The instant gratification of receiving a like, wink or text from someone... No matter if you're looking for a serious relationship or not, you end up keeping yourself busy with legitimate dopamine rushes!! In a busy stressful life, these are tranquilizers! Like a bar of chocolate or a glass of fine wine...
Usually people make final judgements about people who they meet for the first time. May be according to their inferiority agenda or according to what is selling best in the market of people and relationships; but usually they call it spark or chemistry. Eitherways, we see people for who we are - as in mindset, experiences, wounds, fears and aspirations - more than who they really are...!
In fact chemistry is "developable", if this could be a word. Chemistry can be developed between people of common backgrounds, beliefs, interests… Healthy relationships develop over time! No instant coffee here!!!
Erich Fromm in his book - The Art of Loving - explains, the sudden collapse of the wall between two strangers is a thrilling and intoxicating life experience. Like a dry land blessed with rain in the midst of drought. This miraculous intimate connection is often eased or initiated via sexual attraction and consummation. And still majority believe its chemistry and/or spark.
This type of feelings-based-love is very volatile and requires employing the strategy of Keeping Her/Him Interested and Keeping Ones-self Mysterious and Excited in the process.
Once the potential couple are acquainted with each other their intimacy fades as well as it's thrilling miraculous character, until their disagreement, their disappointments, their mutual boredom kill whatever is left of the initial excitement. But usually they don't notice this.
They are carried by the obsession, being crazy about each other which is the proof of the degree of their loneliness. Instead of building a healthy relationship, this mode makes dating a journey searching for someone to fill somewhere in the void of the lonely life.
Instead of taking the time getting to know ones-self and the other, it all focuses on "Feeling Good" sensation. And in the process you might get attached to someone some way; no matter what makes you attached to them.
Hence: "All this kind of relationship amounts to is the well‑oiled relationship between two persons who remain strangers all their lives, who never arrive at a central relationship, but who treat each other with courtesy and who attempt to make each other feel better." ― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving.
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