Passion is BS!

Had a panel phone-interview from a well-known company a while ago. The role was technical (analytics and insights). As per them, they were looking for candidates PASSIONATE USERS of the company’s products!!

This word “PASSIONATE” has been over used that its meaning got disrupted in the process. It’s like if you’re not sure what are you looking for in a candidate you’d say “we’re looking for passionate candidates” instead of “looking for leaders who get work done, impact business growth and ethically prosper technically and professionally in the organization”

I mean my Marketing Director once was Senior Brand manager of Pampers and Always at Proctor and Gamble! What passion would a MAN in his 30's have for Diapers and Female Pads?! Passion might be about growing business, prospering in a competitive market, learning…Not necessarily the PRODUCT!!

I’d trust P&G’s judgment when they hired such a candidate, to get the job done and grow the business, instead of wishy-washy arguments!

As Scott Adams - the author of How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big - puts it: ‘Passion Is BS’. I trust that too!

#Share_of_thought
#passion #ScottAdams #p&g #leaders #bs #directors #hiring #recruitment #product #insights #analytics #marketing #HowtoFailatAlmostEverythingandStillWinBig

Dopamine-Based Social Connections

The instant gratification of receiving a like, wink or text from someone... No matter if you're looking for a serious relationship or not, you end up keeping yourself busy with legitimate dopamine rushes!! In a busy stressful life, these are tranquilizers! Like a bar of chocolate or a glass of fine wine... 

Usually people make final judgements about people who they meet for the first time. May be according to their inferiority agenda or according to what is selling best in the market of people and relationships; but usually they call it spark or chemistry. Eitherways, we see people for who we are - as in mindset, experiences, wounds, fears and aspirations - more than who they really are...!

In fact chemistry is "developable", if this could be a word. Chemistry can be developed between people of common backgrounds, beliefs, interests… Healthy relationships develop over time! No instant coffee here!!! 

Erich Fromm in his book - The Art of Loving - explains, the sudden collapse of the wall between two strangers is a thrilling and intoxicating life experience. Like a dry land blessed with rain in the midst of drought. This miraculous intimate connection is often eased or initiated via sexual attraction and consummation. And still majority believe its chemistry and/or spark.

This type of feelings-based-love is very volatile and requires employing the strategy of Keeping Her/Him Interested and Keeping Ones-self Mysterious and Excited in the process.

Once the potential couple are acquainted with each other their intimacy fades as well as it's thrilling miraculous character, until their disagreement, their disappointments, their mutual boredom kill whatever is left of the initial excitement. But usually they don't notice this.

They are carried by the obsession, being crazy about each other which is the proof of the degree of their loneliness. Instead of building a healthy relationship, this mode makes dating a journey searching for someone to fill somewhere in the void of the lonely life.

Instead of taking the time getting to know ones-self and the other, it all focuses on "Feeling Good" sensation. And in the process you might get attached to someone some way; no matter what makes you attached to them.

Hence: "All this kind of relationship amounts to is the well‑oiled relationship between two persons who remain strangers all their lives, who never arrive at a central relationship, but who treat each other with courtesy and who attempt to make each other feel better." ― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving.

#San_Francisco_Night_Thoughts

#thoughts_on_my_mind

#human #struggles #dopamine #instant_gratification #relationships #loneliness #strangers #spark #chemistry #love #dating #like #wink #text #meaning #value #worth #purpose #life #coffee #chocolate #wine #tranquilizers

#sanfranciscobayarea #east_bay #south_bay #norcal #california

Ultimate Human Struggle!

I think one of the ultimate human struggles is to stay still and do nothing; yet be fine and relaxed with it. The act of "Inaction". It may sound kind of an effortless state, while in reality it effortfully deals with the restlessness within. Restless search for meaning, value, worth and purpose is overwhelming!

Being hammered by the demanding urges to fill the voids keeps us busy. We assume purpose and meaning in being busy. Until, we are too busy to care for ourselves; too busy have the time of "Inaction" to phase out of the cluttered commotions of daily life. But we need some silence too. Silence is an essential ingredient in the song of life!

#San_Francisco_Night_Thoughts
#San_Francisco_rainy_night
#thoughts_on_my_mind
#human #struggles #restless #effort #meaning #value #worth #purpose #life
#sanfranciscobayarea #east_bay #south_bay #norcal #california #andrew #song #silence

Thoughts Across the Distance

I long to make her arms my castle and her heart my heaven... When the rivers and the mountains make the distance between us, I look inside me to speak my words of love to her...

The thought of her spreads delight into my being. It makes me breathe deeper and slower, as if the time is going slower too… Like a state of trance, when the definition of time is just unidentified.

I'm fond of how she makes me laugh. My beloved makes me laugh; a lot. When she acts so shy I would be shaken with joy, mixed with empathy for her... Shyness of cherry-red cheeks, like rip apples ready to be yummied. Her cheeks rise to narrow her eyes when she stretches a smile on her fairy face, revealing the extravaganza of her gorgeous soul. Then she mumbles unheard words and tries to do any nonsense to avoid my eyes. She draws her hair over her eyes to avoid my gaze that fuels the blood into her face. She smiles when she's out of words and she laughs when she has something to say. I love the lady she is, the child, the friend and companion I see in her.

She's a heart that evolved into a human being. What she says is touching and what she does is overwhelming. Touched and overwhelmed I find it hard to escape, in fact I’m privileged.


Andy.


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Masks

Given our conspicuous integrity, that’s how obnoxious we may turn to be.

We blame people for being double standard. We criticize those who put on masks. We are averse to fake people. But, we never gave a thought of why they are this way. Maybe they experienced unacceptance for who they are sometime in the past, and therefore they have put on this mask to appeal to you. Maybe some bastard felt jealous of how they shine and how their warmth glows wherever they go and therefore decided to dislike them for their greatness.

People are who they are for a reason. Reasons maybe friends, old love, parents, family, teachers, community members, memories of pain, moments of joy and other reasons and experiences that concluded the person you see today.

After all this, comes the time when they meet you. They would either lower their mask to show you who they really are, or they shall keep it on, and you are just another member of the audience of their mask.

Before you blame them, ask yourself, what did you do so they feel OK to show you their reality? Or maybe you would ask, what are you doing that keeps their masks on? Because, may be they don’t knowingly put on their mask but, they just hide behind it unconsciously.

Don't blame people for masks they put one because of YOU! And don’t blame them for masks they keep-on since you never made them feel Okay to be whom they truly are! Instead, see what you DO and HOW it IMPACTS THEM, that consequently they keep their masks on.

Let people be comfortably original. Enough what you want to see in them; even you don’t actually have it yourself. Let people be comfortably real. And be real yourself, so real people huddle around you.

Andy.

Roses

A new day in the metropolitan city. Everyone is carrying burdens of their day before the day loads them on their shoulders; assuming burdens existed yet. In fact what you assume affects how you feel.

I started my day with cool music and hot coffee... Relaxed mind and energized spirit, minding my own business... Though the roads seemed like a wide parking lot spread across the city, I leaned my back to my car chair and spent quality time pampering my senses with music while enjoying my hazelnut-flavored coffee taste and aroma.

Across the sidewalks was that girl. Every morning I see her standing there, around the same spot, about the same time, for few days so far. About early twenties, with gypsy looks, dressed in old stained dress and a pair of old leather colorless shoes, with bed hair and dusty face that just woke up from restless sleep. Her face was covered with days of weariness and her colorful eyes conveyed long sleepless nights. Her arched posture expressed the load she bared on her shoulders and the despair of a drowning soul... She was looking at the passerby crowds, looking for something, looking for someone, looking for herself... She was holding few roses in her arms, looking for a buyer who would empathize with few pennies. Someone who dares to buy a rose. O' little girl! Who would buy your roses? Why would anyone buy your roses? Though, she sells her roses cheap to every passerby willing to offer her the pennies.

A stream of thoughts was flowing in me while watching that scene. Sometimes we are in that little girl's shoes. While we may feel burdened through our days we grow desperate for something to feed our starving hearts and quench our thirsty souls. We sell our roses but we're never offered them. People might see our faces, but not what may be going-on in our hearts and boiling in our guts. While we smile and laugh to hide mountains of worry and troubled confusions. We are judged by the stained dress that barely covers the body from cold nights of grief, but fail to regard our human inside.

She passed by each car trying to earn sympathy from each and every car rider, until it was my turn. She came at my car and tapped on my window. She seemed desperate for selling her roses, down-spirited expecting no answer from me though. She was trying to draw back her hair that shaded her eyes, nose and lips behind her ears using one hand, while holding the roses with the other. She leaned on the car window with her free hand where she placed her forehead. She murmured words of persuasive sympathy to get my heart tangled and buy a rose from her… I looked at her behind my shades while dropping down the car window. I took off the shades and gazed at her. She seemed hungry; hungry for being someone, someone to be looked at and noticed in the mindless crowds of every day traffic.

She extended her hand towards me and offered me a naked shortened thorns-clipped rose and said: “Sir, would you buy roses to the one you love?” I smiled. She made me smile, a bitter smile. I thought to myself, you are offering me a rose to make it up for the one I love, while you barely get pitied mindlessly. Before I took the rose from her, I paid her. Then, I lifted the rose between the tips of her fingers, had a glimpse of its scent then placed it on the side of her face, to fix her hair that has been bothering her for while by that time. Her amazement blended with astonishment while watching me putting her hair into place via the rose. A roses-seller that was never offered a rose before. Her eyes grew wider and her mouth was released open. Her eyes looked in the direction of the rose while reaching her hand to feel it in her hair, as if she didn't believe what has just happened, making sure that this was real. When she was sure of it, she stretched a wide smile that shines the day and blushed her cheeks while looking back at me as if she was asking, “Was this  for me?”

“A rose for the rose.” I said, while my eyes were alternating between her eyes and the rose. Her silence was full of words, and unorganised thoughts of joy. Excited, though she only replied modestly “Thanks Sir.” But I can still hear those words of silence on her face.

Now, lights just went green. Time to get my wheels rolling.

“Have a lovely day young lady.” I said. Then I stirred through the flow of traffic. In the rear mirror I can still see her, crossing the street back to the sidewalk hopping lightly with joy, while her hand is still clinging to the rose…

 

 

Andy.

 

 

 

 

Thoughts on Moral Psychology: About "Reasoning and Judgment"

It is interesting how we - humans - Judge, Reason and Justify; pretty funny though. Usually, it's  perceived as a simple and linear process however, it is a complex process that involves more influences than expected.

Let's settle couple of points to set up the basis of few arguments.

- Judgment and Reasoning are two different mental processes that occur in different areas of the brain...

- Judgment always precedes Reasoning but, Judgment is not necessarily followed by Reasoning...

From the previous two statements we can infer that at least the spontaneous and superficial judgments are irrational most of the time. People make moral judgments immediately according to their emotions. Reasoning is merely the servant of the Passions. And when the servant failed to find any good arguments, the master didn't change his mind. People make moral judgments quickly and emotionally while their moral reasoning is mostly a post-hoax search for reasons to justify the judgments they already made.

Apparently, we do moral reasoning not to reconstruct the reasons why we ourselves came to a certain judgment, but instead, we reason to find the best possible reasons why somebody else ought to join us in our judgment... 

As per David Hume, Reason is the slave of Passion. i.e. Reason is not enough to take action or make a decision. Knowing an action is right does not necessary result in proceeding with doing it. Reasoning shall be accompanied with PASSION; like Love, Envy, Anger, Pride, Fear, Desire, etc... . Passion alone could trigger action. It could lead to doing what is known-and-reasoned to be wrong though, going against what reason would advise. Thus, we shall be aware of our driving PASSION(S) according to which we Rationalize our Actions and Judgments.

Constituents of our thoughts, judgments, impressions and ideas, more often than often, come from experience. Our experience and actions contribute to building our self-constructed beliefs. Here is how it goes... First, we do actions out of a certain underlying passion, then we rationalize our actions according to those passions we have; or at least we shall be found biased by our passions. Then, we believe in the rational we just created behind our actions; we choose to believe what we do. We can conclude that, we can create and acquire beliefs as the result of Urge or Inference as well as by Reason... 

Maybe that's why sometimes Common-Sense is not that Common...

Just thoughts.... 

Inspired by Righteous Mind - Jonathan Haidt

Andy.